Yusra and Ayah Are 'On Leave'

To be honest, I never been a baby sitter to my daughter. It is because of my job. I travelling so much and unable to fetch her from the nursery (Darul Iqra') before it closes. Most of the time, I spent my time with her at night. After 1 year and 4 months, the day has comes- it is today. It happened to be a public holiday for Selangor (Darul Iqra is not serving), working day for Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur (my wife needs to work). I am the only hope to take care of Yusra :) Walouweiii~

My first time was not hard. In this fasting month, I easily fed Yusra, took bath together (in appropriate way okay..?) and pampered her to sleep. I hope, I get more chance to have the days like today.

Only in this mode, I can update my blog. Thanks for sleeping. Hehe..

Nothing much in this post. Just to fill my day with better things which I never do. While she growing up, I have plans to educate her to be a good muslimah. I know it is not an easy job for parents. More time need to be sacrificed, more money to invest, and more energy to spend. We can see the symptoms of parenting failure. Here and there parents worrying about their kids getting stubborn, 'late-slow-bloomer', harsh talk back, and uncontrollable behavior. I need an early awareness to observe and life-long education implementation on that matter. Learn more how was Rasulullah pbuh. educate (tarbiah) people to human and turned them into Muslims.

High discipline on daily routine such thoharah (hygiene), solat (prayer), knowledge sharing, 'Bismillah' reciting at every single deed, are the form of tarbiah. It took time to get the kids familiar with those practices. But those small things were overlooked by most parents. Concentrate to the fullest for at least the first 12 years on tarbiah, and I believes, those things could eliminate the unwanted characters within the kids. We need the process and the efforts to make things better. Slowly, but surely.

Today is a beautiful day. I am blessed.

The Paradox of My Life

For three days, my beloved wife and daughter away to Perlis, attending her grandfather's funeral. Nothing much I can do since this month would be a half-month working days for me. Raya holiday, annual leaves and public holidays. Taking more leaves is somehow inconvenience for me.

Sitting alone at home drives me to think about what I've went through. Nothing much, but so significant. Few questions bombarded onto my head. This is how I diagnose my morality and helps me to do better decisions in future. I categorized them into the paradox of my life.

1. I've learned how to make a living but not a life.
2. I've done larger things but not better things.
3. I planned more but accomplished less.
4. I've more knowledge but less judgement.
5. Stay up too late, wake up so tired.
6. Entertainment too much and pray too seldom.

Of course I have my own elaboration on each. In fact, I was thinking of more paradoxes excluding above. I realized that life is just went wrong and I believed I still have chance to put them to where they're belong. Keep praying.

A Man Named Rashed

Regardless the authenticity of this story, it is somehow a 'real' short and dense inspirational story. Again, from sunniforum.com :)


 A Man Named Rashed


This is a story about a man named Rashed. He tells his story as follows…

I was not more than thirty years old when my wife gave birth to my first child. I still remember that night.

I had stayed out all night long with my friends, as was my habit. It was a night filled with useless talk, and worse, with backbiting, gossiping, and making fun of people. I was mostly the one who made people laugh; I would mock others and my friends would laugh and laugh. I remember on that night that I’d made them laugh a lot. I had an amazing ability to imitate others – I could change the sound of my voice until I sounded exactly like the person I was mocking. No one was safe from my biting mockery, even my friends; some people started avoiding me just to be safe from my tongue. I remember on that night, I had made fun of a blind man who I’d seen begging in the market. What was worse, I had put my foot out in front him – he tripped and fell, and started turning his head around, not knowing what to say.

I went back to my house, late as usual, and I found my wife waiting for me. She was in a terrible state, and said in a quivering voice, “Rashed… where were you?”

“Where would I be, on Mars?” I said sarcastically, “With my friends of course.”

She was visibly exhausted, and holding back tears, she said, “Rashed, I’m so tired. It seems the baby is going to come soon.” A silent tear fell on her cheek.

I felt that I had neglected my wife. I should have taken care of her and not stayed out so much all those nights… especially since she was in her ninth month. I quickly took her to the hospital; she went into the delivery room, and suffered through long hours of pain.

I waited patiently for her to give birth… but her delivery was difficult, and I waited a long time until I got tired. So I went home and left my phone number with the hospital so they could call with the good news. An hour later, they called me to congratulate me on the birth of Salem. I went to the hospital immediately. As soon as they saw me, they asked me to go see the doctor who had overlooked my wife’s delivery.
“What doctor?” I cried out, “I just want to see my son Salem!”

“First go see the doctor,” they said.

I went to the doctor, and she started talking to me about trials, and about being satisfied with Allah’s decree. Then she said, “Your son has a serious deformity in his eyes, and it seems that he has no vision.” I lowered my head while I fought back tears… I remembered that blind man begging in the market who I’d tripped and made others laugh at.

Subhan Allah, you get what you give! I stayed brooding quietly for a while… I didn’t know what to say. Then I remembered by wife and son. I thanked the doctor for her kindness, and went to go see my wife. My wife wasn’t sad. She believed in the decree of Allah… she was content… How often had she advised me to stop mocking people! “Don’t backbite people,” she always used to repeat… We left the hospital, and Salem came with us.

In reality, I didn’t pay much attention to him. I pretended that he wasn’t in the house with us. When he started crying loudly, I’d escape to the living room to sleep there. My wife took good care of him, and loved him a lot. As for myself, I didn’t hate him, but I couldn’t love him either.

Salem grew. He started to crawl, and had a strange way of crawling. When he was almost one year old, he started trying to walk, and we discovered that he was crippled. I felt like he was an even greater burden on me. After him, my wife gave birth to Umar and Khaled. The years passed, and Salem grew, and his brothers grew. I never liked to sit at home, I was always out with my friends… in reality, I was like a plaything at their disposal [entertaining them whenever they wanted].

My wife never gave up on my reform. She always made du’aa for my guidance. She never got angry with my reckless behavior, but she would get really sad if she saw me neglecting Salem and paying attention to the rest of his brothers. Salem grew, and my worries grew with him. I didn’t mind when my wife asked to enroll him in a special school for the handicapped.

I didn’t really feel the passing of the years. My days were all the same. Work and sleep and food and staying out with friends. One Friday, I woke up at 11 am. This was early for me. I was invited to a gathering, so I got dressed and perfumed, and was about to go out. I passed by our living room, and was startled by the sight of Salem – he was sobbing! This was the first time I had noticed Salem crying since he was a baby. Ten years had passed, and I hadn’t paid attention to him. I tried to ignore him now, but I couldn’t take it… I heard him calling out to his mother while I was in the room. I turned towards him, and went closer. “Salem! Why are you crying?” I asked.

When he heard my voice, he stopped crying. Then when he realized how close I was, he started feeling around him with his small hands. What was wrong with him? I discovered that he was trying to move away from me! It was as if he was saying, “Now, you’ve decided to notice me? Where have you been for the last ten years?” I followed him… he had gone into his room. At first, he refused to tell me why he’d been crying. I tried to be gentle with him… Salem started to tell me why he’d been crying, while I listened and trembled.

Do you know what the reason was?! His brother Umar, the one who used to take him to the masjid, was late. And because it was Jumu’ah prayer, Salem was afraid he wouldn’t find a place in the first row. He called out to Umar… and he called out to his mother… but nobody answered, so he cried. I sat there looking at the tears flowing from his blind eyes. I couldn’t bear the rest of his words. I put my hand over his mouth and said, “Is this why you were crying, Salem!”

“Yes,” he said.

I forgot about my friends, I forgot about the gathering, and I said, “Don’t be sad, Salem. Do you know who’s going to take you to the masjid today?”

“Umar, of course,” he said, “… but he’s always late.”

“No,” I said, “I’m going to take you.”

Salem was shocked… he couldn’t believe it. He thought I was mocking him. His tears came and he started crying. I wiped his tears with my hand and then took hold of his hand. I wanted to take him to the masjid by car. He refused and said, “The masjid is near… I want to walk there.” Yes, by Allah, he said this to me.

I couldn’t remember when the last time I had entered the masjid was, but it was the first time I felt fear and regret for what I’d neglected in the long years that had passed. The masjid was filled with worshippers, but I still found a place for Salem in the first row. We listened to the Jumu’ah khutbah together, and he prayed next to me. But really, I was the one praying next to him.

After the prayer, Salem asked me for a musHaf. I was surprised! How was he going to read when he was blind? I almost ignored his request, but I decided to humor him out of fear of hurting his feelings. I passed him a musHaf. He asked me to open the musHaf to Surat al-Kahf. I started flipping through the pages and looking through the index until I found it. He took the musHaf from me, put it in front of him, and started reading the Surah… with his eyes closed… ya Allah! He had the whole Surah memorized.

I was ashamed of myself. I picked up a musHaf… I felt my limbs tremble… I read and I read. I asked Allah to forgive me and to guide me. I couldn’t take it… I started crying like a child. There were still some people in the masjid praying sunnah… I was embarrassed by their presence, so I tried to hold my tears. My crying turned into whimpering and long, sobbing breaths. The only thing I felt was a small hand reaching out to my face, and then wiping the tears away. It was Salem! I pulled him to my chest… I looked at him. I said to myself… you’re not the blind one, but I am, for having drifted after immoral people who were pulling me to hellfire. We went back home. My wife was extremely worried about Salem, but her worry turned into tears [of joy] when she found out I had prayed Jumu’ah with Salem.

From that day on, I never missed the congregational prayer in the masjid. I left my bad friends… and I made righteous friends among people I met at the masjid. I tasted the sweetness of iman with them. I learned things from them that distracted me from this world. I never missed out on gatherings of remembrance [halaqas], or on the witr prayer. I recited the entire Qur’an, several times, in one month. I moistened my tongue with the remembrance of Allah, that He might forgive my backbiting and mocking of the people. I felt closer to my family. The looks of fear and pity that had occupied my wife’s eyes disappeared. A smile now never parted from the face of my son Salem. Anyone who saw him would have felt that he owned the world and everything in it. I praised and thanked Allah a lot for His blessings.

One day, my righteous friends decided to go to a far away location for da’wah. I hesitated about going. I prayed istikharah, and consulted with my wife. I thought she would refuse… but the opposite happened! She was extremely happy, and even encouraged me… because in the past, she had seen me traveling without consulting her, for the purpose of sin and evil. I went to Salem, and told him I would be traveling. With tears, he wrapped me up in his small arms…

I was away from home for three and a half months. In that period, whenever I got a chance, I called my wife and talked to my children. I missed them so much… and oh, how I missed Salem! I wanted to hear his voice… he was the only one who hadn’t talked to me since I’d traveled. He was either at school or at the masjid whenever I called them.
Whenever I would tell my wife how much I missed him, she would laugh happily, joyfully, except for the last time I called her. I didn’t hear her expected laugh. Her voice changed. I said to her, “Give my salam to Salem,” and she said, “Insha’Allah,” and was quiet.

At last, I went back home. I knocked on the door. I hoped that it was Salem who would open up for me, but was surprised to find my son Khaled, who was not more than four years old. I picked him up in my arms while he squealed, “Baba! Baba!” I don’t know why my heart tensed when I entered the house.

I sought refuge in Allah from the accursed shaytan… I approached my wife… her face was different. As if she was pretending to be happy. I inspected her closely then said, “What’s wrong with you?” “Nothing,” she said. Suddenly, I remembered Salem. “Where’s Salem?” I asked. She lowered her head. She didn’t answer. Hot tears fell on her cheeks.

“Salem! Where’s Salem?” I cried out.

At that moment, I only heard the sound of my son Khaled talking in his own way, saying, “Baba… Thalem went to pawadise… with Allah…”

My wife couldn’t take it. She broke down crying. She almost fell to the floor, and left the room. Later, I found out that Salem had contracted a fever two weeks before I’d returned, so my wife took him to the hospital… the fever got more and more severe, and didn’t leave him… until his soul left his body…

And if this earth closes in on you in spite of its vastness, and your soul closes is on you because of what it’s carrying… call out, “Oh Allah!” If solutions run out, and paths are constricted, and ropes are cut off, and your hopes are no more… call out, “Oh Allah.” Allah wished to guide Salem’s father on the hands of Salem, before Salem’s death. How merciful is Allah!

Note: Take lesson from the story not from its authenticity.

Love Your Brother

Eidul Fitr is near. Now, I am enjoying Ramadhan. The month that full of courage, energy and motivation. My Ramadhan mood is always better than in the others. Sometimes, I read some heart-warming stories to entertain myself. One of stories had punched my heart. I got this from a very good forum web, sunniforum.com.

A Brother...

Shuaib received an automobile from his brother as an Eid present. On Eid day when Shuaib came out of his house, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. "Is this your car, Uncle?" he asked. Shuaib nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Eid." The boy astounded.

"You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish..." He hesitated. Of course shuaib knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that.But what the lad said jarred Shuaib all the way down to his heels. "I wish," the boy went on, "...that I could be a brother like that." Shuaib looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "would you like to take a ride in my automobile?" "Oh, yes, I'd love that."

After a short ride, the boy turned and with his eyes aglow, said, "Uncle, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Shuaib smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Shuaib was wrong again."Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Shuaib heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car.

"There it is, little brother, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Eid and it didn't cost him any penny. And some day I'm gonna give you one just like it. Then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Shop windows that I've been trying to tell you about."

Shuaib got out and lifted the boy to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable ride. That Eid, Shuaib learned what the Rasulullah pbuh meant when he said:

"Love for your brother what you love for yourself".

Random Thought- Where Would I Be?

I almost forgot that I own a blog. It has been months I didn't give any attention on it. So, how should I resume? So much things happened whether planned or not. Mostly, unexpected. What I have now is beyond my original plan. One of them is, my profession.

I never thought to be an engineer. Especially after I went through a priceless experience as a 'sales person' in a private company. Implementation of unhealthy practices such bullies, ragging, backstabbing, bad-mouthing, and selfish really helped me to build a brick blocks to retry being an employee.

I can't stand such working atmosphere which somehow will influence my characters and my thinking. I was about to be a father and surely, I need a good motivational working environment. Thus, I decided to resign (without any plans). Some friends were too frank and told me that I am crazy.

"You just married and about to have a kid. You need reasons to have job, not to lose job!".

It sounds make sense.. Oh.. My life after marriage was not as what I thought. I do multiple jobs. Here and there, regardless time. Tuition, drawing, facilitator, emcee, trainer, etc...

I started to have financial problem. I believe this problem will create another problem. And then, another problem. Finally, a series of problem. Finance is a crucial issue. I keep convincing my wife that our future would be better. Within a year, I hardly go to shopping malls, or buy any new cloths. By the way, many thanks I dedicate to a friend who helped me by offering a job at his printing shop. It was a good, nice, and valuable experience. Day by day, I survived with ~1k monthly income. It seems I was an employee? Arhh.. I don't want to think about it as I enjoyed serving for the shop.

I continued to be an ordinary worker. Month after month, what I feel deep down inside, something is just not right. So sudden, a friend told me that the company he is serving need more engineer. Another big decision. Should I try or leave it? Istikharah--> Give a try--> 1st interview by HOD (passed)--> Subjective test (passed and shortlisted)--> 2nd interview by bosses (passed)--> I am employed as an engineer.

Engineers of AEM. Thanks to all generous seniors.

It was unexpected. I only depended on my educational background and competed with experienced rivals. Thinking of the hardship I faced, it persist my favorite movie, 'Pursuit of Happyness'. What has happened, I take it as a gift from Allah. He grant my duaa in His own way. Why? because Alhamdulillah, my current profession is the profession that I tried to avoid the most. I am a happy engineer.

What I am today is not what I thought last 2 years. What and where would I be in 2 years ahead?

Training For Engineer- Adaltis Personal Lab.

20 May 2013, Monday, Italy

Training on Theory:

I was introduced with the new model of P-Lab. According to the trainer, there is no different between classic model and new model but the syringes. New P-Lab was fixed with micro pumps instead the syringes. The rest of the mechanical and electrical parts are the same. This is a good improvement as I understand, the stepper motor of the micropumps move up to 4000 steps compare 3000 steps for classic model. I won't explain more-this is too technical and people won't care about this anyway. My point is simply saying that Adaltis is always find ways to improve their products.

We went through all related data stored inside the registry. Some data can be modified by QC Engineers only and some other can be modified by Service Engineers. We focus more on software- how to configure the software to optimize the function of the machine according to user’s wish.

QC Department Visit:

I requested to visit the QC department to see how they work and the operation of the whole department. 

Entrance to Adaltis compound.

21 May 2013, Tuesday, Italy

I was taught the fundamental idea of application software. How to create protocol files (.prt), profile files (.prf), and session files (.ssn). I was given a chance to create my own protocol. Although it is not our main job, it is essence knowledge for engineers to get familiar with the machine.

We went through the PLab Block Diagrams. These diagrams help us to isolate the problems efficiently during troubleshooting. It explains hoe every component connected to other components.

22 May 2013, Wednesday, Italy

We started to touch the machine. This new model is found to be more end-user-friendly but not necessarily to engineers. We took more time to open the covers. More crews located at finger’s unreachable areas. But in operation perspective, it does help us a bit- We don’t have to change the syringes during the maintenance.

We went through most of the software functions to understand the theory behind them. Only that we can know how far the instrument can help us to operate/troubleshoot the problems happened.

New model of Personal Lab with bar code scanner

23 May 2013, Thursday, Italy

The whole training hours were spent for hands on. I was asked to perform the full calibration for the machine. I was introduced to the few ‘self made special tools’. They are basically used by the QC and Service Engineers.

24 May 2013, Friday, Italy

Troubleshooting session is a must for engineer’s training. Trainers created the problems to be solved by the trainee. They shared with me their experiences and how they solved it. I also took this opportunity to share our experiences and asked for their advices.

Thanks to these guys a.k.a trainers. You guys are awesome.

QC Department Visit:

Again, I requested to go to QC department. The purpose is to see myself how they installed the software and operate the new PLab. 

I gained more confidence to serve more in this line and help my team to solve few puzzles we are having now. This is the rare chance and a big opportunity for me as a trainee as well as AEM’s representative.